About Me
- Frances Ogilvie
- From the small town I call home, Philippines
- Hello, I'm Chai and you've never probably heard of me until now. I may be familiar to you because I've met you once when our souls crossed paths. In my past life, I was probably a princess living in Old England, or a World War II chronicler assigned to document the devastation in what is now called Turkey. I may have been a street urchin or a painter or an old Hollywood actress once. But the life I've chosen to hold on to is the life I'm living in right now and I'm glad I can share it with you.:)
The Road Ahead
I don't really want to make this entry as mushy as possible, but can you blame me? It's almost 1 in the morning, I'm tired, my eyes are demanding for some sleep and my neck feels like it has a mind of its own. But thinking about when I would have another chance to write something like this (not that I'm gonna be the busiest person for the next few months or so) makes me push through the exhaustion and just write anyway.
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Just this Tuesday, my mom told me to attend my little brother's recognition day for her because she can't show up since she has to be at work. So there I was, bored out of my mind (since I was the only adolescent there; most of who had been there were parents of course), and to pass the time, I read through the programme which had all the awardees' names on it and tried to memorize one name at a time.
Okay pathetic.
However, the memorizing part had been a huge, huge fail so I did my best to pay attention to what was going on. As the kids were called one by one, and I witnessed how every parent seemed to smile widely every time they put on the much deserved medals on their child, it gave me a flashback on my own elementary and high school days and suddenly, I was seeing myself in at least one or two of the kids per grade and year level and I distinctly remember how I was like when I was in that age.
I hadn't been a consistent honor student, so there isn't much to reminisce anyway, but here are some of the highlights of my pre-adolescent schooling:
- When I was in nursery school, I remember having our recognition rites at our subdivision basketball court in Palmera Homes in Taytay, Rizal. This was the same day I tripped on a cement pavement and acquired a very painful gash on my right knee which went all the way down until probably half of my leg.
- I never got to attend my preparatory graduation at Assumption Antipolo because it was held on the same day my family and I were supposed to move to Bicol.
- During first grade on my new (well, new back then) school, I was awarded as one of those who got high honors.
- Second grade, I learned how to make more friends and so I focused less on my studies so my GPA went lower, but nonetheless, I was still an honor student.
- Third grade. Friends had been everything to me. Social life seemed more important, so it was only during the first quarter of that school year when I got an Honor's Card.
- Do we need to talk about fourth and fifth grade? But one thing's for sure, a boy broke my heart during fifth grade.
- Sixth grade graduation--even though I wasn't part of the batch honorees, at least, I was awarded as "Writer of the Year". My dad wasn't able to attend because he had to be in a meeting.
Highschool:
- I got more focused when I got to sophomore year. I was a consistent honor student during the four quarters. I was part of that year's recognition rites. However, it was held a few days after my grandmother died.
- My senior year graduation--again, without honors, but at least I was given the Junior Chamber International Youth Leadership Award and the Benedictus Award by the school. This is the year when my grandfather died.
So instead of feeling bored, I actually became nostalgic and I found myself randomly smiling at the memories. Then the program ended. It happened too quick. Then I remembered that my own graduation would be less than 6 days away and I had no idea about what I was gonna do with my life after this supposedly "most important day in my life".
If truth be told, I kinda envied the kids from my brother's school. They all seem so young and so naive to the harsh realities of the real world and they weren't worrying about anything except what they were going to do for the summer and what was in store for them in the next school year which will be in two months.
I envy them because at least they still have something to look forward to in June--seeing old friends, playing new games, learning new subjects...
Maybe at one point in my life, I had been as carefree and as innocent as they are. When I was in high school, they kept on pressuring us about college--where to go, what to take up...but I always found myself saying, "It can wait. There's always tomorrow. We have an entire year or two to think about college."
And then I turned 21. Graduating in less than 72 hours.
Suddenly, I didn't have to time to think about putting off things for tomorrow when all the stuff I thought about delaying are crumbling down at my feet, waiting to be addressed immediately. It scares me how true what most people say. You reach a certain age when all of a sudden, you think about a career, financial stability, marriage, children...
In fact, as I was typing that last part, I thought about my worries again and I drove myself insane for a while. There's so much for me to think about, I do not know which ones are actually my priority.
When I was younger, the world I lived in usually took care of its own. When we had problems, money (and sometimes good connections) settled those for us. When I had enemies at school, my dad used to protect me from them.
Now that I'm an adult (almost), I realized that after I step down from that stage at the PICC on Monday, the world I used to know will be strange once more. I have to decide for myself and every decision I make is gonna be crucial. I have to face my problems on my own without daddy to back me up because he knows that I am old enough to handle things.
I'm very scared about what's gonna be in store for me after all this is done. It's like a movie with a cliffhanger ending--you're craving for more yet it's done. No more sequels.
Like, "Yun lang?"
But like all other movies, it has to end at some point.
(I'm not sure if I'm writing a sensible piece of prose here, but what the hell.)
It always sucks when you know that you have come to the end of a worthwhile journey. Sure, you may have traversed rough roads, encountered detours and pit stops...but as long as you reach your destination safely, it's all that matters. And before you know it, there's another road trip waiting for you!
I may not be graduating with honors, but the countless friends and experiences I have made and encountered in the 4 years I have been a college student is worth more than any medal I could ever have in the world.:)
The next road I'm going to take may be hard on me, but there's nothing I cannot be able to handle.:)
LIFE, BRING IT ON. \m/
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1 comments:
you really drove yourself insane, eh. HAHAHA. natawa ako dun. :P
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