Spread Your Wings and Fly Away: Life Oh Life

Showing posts with label Life Oh Life. Show all posts

Eventful? Nah.

When you're a blogger and you've been away from your online diary for almost a month, the prospect of writing again and sharing a month's worth of happenings, non-happenings and insights gives you a thrill like no other.

Allow me to begin by going on the record in terms of my post-graduation status: I'm still unemployed! Well, I'm not particularly proud of being err, a liability to society, however, the manpower neccesities of companies which offer opportunities for fresh (okay, not-so-fresh) graduates like me prove to be rare these days. And it pains me a great deal knowing that I have all the potential and willpower in the world, yet it seems that as of late, the corporate world is too crowded--crowded enough that they don't even want to consider a young woman of my credentials and spunk. But it's fine by me, as long as someone calls soon enough, I'm pretty chill being chill.

From one tragedy to another and yet another

For most of you who has been in the know, August 2010 has been, by far, the most tragic month not just for some people, but for the country as well. Fatal road accidents (most of them due to reckless driving by public bus drivers, no less) has indeed brought great sadness and pain for the families of those whose lives were taken unfairly from them. The most heartbreaking of them all had been Ate Mel's untimely passing last August 21. But of course, we can't overlook the other accidents as well, especially that one in Marcos Highway in Baguio that claimed the lives of many people.

It's a sad fate, to leave this earth due to someone else's carelessness and rashness, but how this saying goes still holds true: If it's your time to go, it's time to go. I think I've mentioned this before but let me say it again: Life, after all, has only one goal and it is death. On the brighter side of things, the afterlife is something to look forward to simply because it's a promise of paradise. Well, depending on how you lived your earthly life, that is.

Anyway, barely two days after most of us were coping from the death of Ate Mel, a more pressing tragedy that involves national concern fell upon our country--that bloody hostage taking in Manila where one man crying for justice took the law on his own hands and killed eight Hong Kong tourists when government involvement and measures didn't seem enough.

Much has been said, much is still being said and there will still be tons to be said in this fiasco that has happened in our country. And I no longer wish to put a sour note on this terrible incident because 1.) I am going against my word of honor and the loyalty I have sworn for for our president if I criticize it point by point, 2.) Discussing what my real opinion is would just be a pain in the butt and 3.) Well, what's there left to say anyway?

I shall keep my unbiased take on the situation instead: I don't care about the reputation of our country nor do I give a rabbit's sh*t about how greatly or poorly our government has responded to it and if people think it's good enough. All we need to do, honestly, is to move on and do our part to pick up the pieces and clean the wounds that this tragedy has given us. After all, we Filipinos are known for sticking together in times like these.

And August is definitely a month of sorrow, because as it ended, the heavens has yet again opened its gates for the late Mr. Joe Garcia, who had been our Scriptwriting and Radio Production professor for two semesters back in our Junior year in college. He died because of bone cancer, but it was only the secondary cause. Apparently, he also had lung cancer, but the cells metastasized in a way that it lead to the other disease. Once again, cancer has proven to be such a bitch. Thank you very much for claiming the lives of the good souls on earth.

You will be missed, Sir Joe! May your soul rest in peace.

But I'm so glad that August is over, and I'm looking forward to another new (safe) chapter in our lives.

Interview failure?

So earlier this month, I really had my hopes up about employment because one of the companies I applied in called me up and asked if I could come for an interview. And so I did. So I prepared for it big time (mom even got me new clothes, I had my nails and eyebrows done, that kind of prepared thing), then I showed up fresh and very excited for the interview. I even went through the trouble of researching and reviewing what I know of media planning just so I wouldn't sound or look too dumb when she interviews me, and I even wrote a 5-paragraph essay about myself and how it would be such a bust for them not to hire me. Okay, maybe you can scratch that part.

Anyway, so during the half-hour long interview,(or had it been an hour long? I couldn't tell, I wasn't exactly keeping a close watch) I think I've been charming and polite and very much espoused who I was in everything that I said. However, every cloud with a silver lining always has to have a rain cloud waiting to happen behind it.

This is pretty dumb and embarrassing to admit, but when she asked me if I knew a thing or two about softwares like Microsoft Office, etc. I smiled sheepishly and specifically avoided saying that I am very bad at MS Excel by saying, "Well, I do excellently with Word and Powerpoint." She was very kind and I could see that she was hiding a laugh at my discomfort and knew more or less that I was trying to hide something so she said, "Yes, I'm sure. Because you used a lot of presentations during college, right? But what about Excel? How far do you fare in it?"

I swear to God that I can almost hear the crickets while I tried to come up with a clever answer without giving myself away. Eventually, I gave up trying to impress her and just said, "Actually, that's one thing I'm very bad at. I think I know what it is, but I kinda forgot how to do the basics." (insert giggle and eyelash batting here.)

After I revealed that, it was the only time in our conversation that I actually saw her level me with a look and write down something that I think was a negative about me. Oh well, I said to myself, there goes my dream of finally not feeling like a loser when everyone else has earned their millionth paycheck or something. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes and...okay. I think it's getting too over dramatic. I should stop that.

Moving on, my interviewer proceeded by saying that knowledge in Excel is kind of a big thing in the job description (to which, I interrupted her by saying, "Oh I am a very quick study, though. So you don't need to worry about anything."), and that I'll be using a lot of math and numbers...

Hold on, I wanted to tell her, numbers?! Math? Woman, there's a good reason why I avoided taking up a course that didn't involve much of those crazy computations, and that's why I graduated with a degree in Communications.

But being the champ that I am, I tried to keep a steady face and pretended I was still very much engaged with what she was saying but at the back of my mind, I was picturing myself asking to be excused so I may use the restroom but I actually sneak out of the building altogether, while I run away from it, screaming. For five minutes.

The next thing I knew, she lead me to a private room and handed me a piece of paper while she explained the instructions of what I ought to do--gasp--in EXCEL. It was a sort of battery test, and I even tried to look smart by clarifying a few things. Then, I was doing it whether I liked it or not. Haha. The next few happenings, I won't disclose anymore. They're too painful to recall. All I know was that I never want to experience anything like it ever again.

Why do I have to be one of those girls who used to ignore some of her lessons when she was still in school? I swear, it's like a premeditation of what''s yet to come. Why oh why didn't I pay more attention to my teachers when I can?!

So now, I spent the last few weeks regretting being that very neglectful student I used to be, and found myself attending special Excel101 classes (like I'm such a dumb b*tch) for the next four Saturdays at my mother's insistence. But I'm liking it. So far.

However, I walked out of that experience with a few lessons learned:

Never appear and sound cocky on interviews. It can totally backfire on you when you give your interviewer the impression that you know everything.
Excel should've been my best friend when I was still studying. And not MS Word.
I don't think Media Planning is such an excellent career path for me.

Because RACISM spoken in any language, is still vile and cruel and dumb

If there's anything utterly memorable that has happened to me in this entire jobless exile of mine is that one silly incident at the airport (NAIA Terminal 3) around three weeks ago. My dad and I were bound to head back to Bicol, and while we were waiting at the check in line for the Cebu Pacific Legaspi flight, there were these two tall foreign dudes arguing with the small (obviously gay) receptionist by the next line. I didn't really get a gist of what was going on, I mean, after all, it was around 5.30am that day and I barely slept, so I was in a cranky mood (but still eavesdropping), but I had a pretty good grasp of what went down.

Apparently, these two douche bags were also headed to Legaspi, but since the line was pretty long, they wanted to hurry things up by insisting that they board via the Iloilo counter. Anyone in the right mind would know that a.) when you're flight is supposed to be checked in at this counter, you're supposed to fall in line like everyone else and not expect to b.) have special attention or privileges just because you're a guest in our country. So that was what the rather impatient looking guy from the other counter was trying to point out to them.

So they fell in line behind me and my dad and I was pretty sure that I heard them bantering in a language that sounded a lot like German and I caught a few words like "idiot" and "Filipinos" and a bunch of other stuff that sounded so vile, it made my ears bleed. Well, I didn't understand at least half of what they said, but judging by the way they were speaking, boy they were far from kind, I was sure. But I let that pass, because I knew for a fact that they were just being stupid.

I was looking at them via my peripheral view and after a moment's silence and they seemed to have finally shut up, I heard one of them say, "He's so gay" when the guy at the counter tried to rat them off to his supervisor. That was when I quickly whipped my head around and gave them the meanest glare I could ever come up with and looked at them so rudely, it almost made the heat from the earth's core incinerate their sorry asses.

It's one thing to talk about my fellow Filipinos while you're in our country, and blatantly insult our capabilities even if you're saying it in a language that we might not understand, but calling my countrymen names, (those most insulting and degrading of them all) is another thing--it's borderline death in my book, if you ask me. I just hated his guts so much that I almost imagined myself attacking him and slapping him so hard, it would've made his Nazi ancestors so dizzy, but I looked around and saw about five security men just a good distance away and I realized that it won't be worth it.

So I chickened out from my original violent intents, and the next best thing I wanted to do was to tell them off, but I remembered that I was with my dad and I hated having him involved in my tendency to be all over other people's cases. He was gonna get mad at me for sure, so I just glared at them, as if communicating a silent, "This is the only way I can show you I want to kill you without getting arrested."

I am still very ticked off every time I remember that airport incident. I mean, people may be used to being called stupid or gay or queer or dumb or whatever, because it happens all the time, but it doesn't make it alright.

I swear, when I get the chance to visit another country someday, I wouldn't do any of the things that those two ignorant, ugly Europeans did.

I'm a Gleek: On acceptance of Charice's gig on the show and a bunch of other realizations I never dreamt I would ever say out loud

By now, the whole world has practically seen Charice on Glee and witnessed how wonderful and awesome she had been in the first episode.

Okay, okay. I never usually take back what I say, because I always stand by what I think is my opinion, but I have to say that Charice delivered in Glee. This might be a surprising tidbit from me; after all, I was an all out hater and I was one of the handful who loathed the idea of her being on the show, but after watching her (and miraculously not cringing every time she popped up on screen like I expected I would be doing), I realized that she wasn't that bad at all and I appreciated her voice for what it truly is--just SPECTACULAR. I realized that what I hated was the fact that our local media was creating such a big deal of her being on the show. I mean, everyone knows that she's there, and everyone knows and expects she's gonna be great, so why continue hyping up her appearance??? It's already oh so overrated and redundant. I hate watching the news and seeing the same news item which was just re-worded for the late night telecast. And the morning program etc etc etc. I'm just not a fan of repetitions, that's all. So she's in the show. NEEXXTT.

But honestly, she was amazing. I could never have imagined anyone else more fit for the role or the talent required for it.

And for this past month, all I've ever been doing is watching TV, reading books, solving Sudoku puzzles (which are very addicting and therapeutic, I tell you), and I've been staying away as much as I can from the internet. I have limited my internet usage from my usual 15 hours a day to an almost 8 or 9 hours daily. My brain is less buzzed and my eyesight is no longer as bleary as it was a few months back.

As for being still out of work? Well, I'm beginning to worry, but the prospect of having this extended vacation and living off on my parents' dime (and they're totally okay with it. I think.) is something that most of the people in my batch would want to experience because I'm not yet doing overtimes or studying law or poring over work related stuff. I am a free girl and I'm loving every second of it.

It will only be a matter of time before the right opportunities come my way. I can feel it.

Good, positive vibes. I hope I was able to share some of it with you! Love love love!:)

To the Fairest of Them All...

Somewhere up above in the heavens, a red carpet is rolled down in welcome of a half-German, half-Filipina stunner who shall add up to paradise's lovely ensemble of angels. And in the arena where the carpet ends, she is met with a thunderous round of applause from God's fascinating winged-creatures. And in this place, she didn't get hurt, she will never feel pain ever again, and she belongs.

...

In memoriam...

Melody Gersbach

November 18, 1985-August 21, 2010

Beauty Queen. Daughter. Sister. Friend

When a person you love dies, the hardest question to face would always be..."What will happen tomorrow?"

It is so very unfortunate that my first entry after what seemed like a long period of time would have to be another eulogy-like piece for a beautiful person that thousands have come to know and love.

Reigning Bb. Pilipinas International 2009, Ms. Melody Gersbach has joined the arms of our loving Creator at past 11am today due to a vehicular accident that happened in Bula, Camarines Sur.

Please take a moment of your time to say a short and silent prayer for the eternal repose of her beautiful soul.

Sudden deaths are always unfair, especially when the person we've lost is someone who was only part of an unfortunate circumstance and doesn't deserve the pain nor the tragedy that has caused her immediate earthly fleeting. However, death is something that we all have to face in this lifetime. For some, it might be the end, but it is actually the beginning of a new adventure.

There is something utterly riveting and heartbreaking in the untimely passing of someone you weren't particularly close to, but knew of your existence. Because somehow, you take pride in the fact that somehow, you were part of each other's lives no matter how significant or otherwise your role may have been in theirs.

To the world, she is a beauty queen. But to most of us who has witnessed her humble beginnings, she was a low-profile girl even during high school who would've attracted attention even though she wasn't trying to because of her natural beauty. Yet most of us will know her as Maggie's sister. And we know for a fact that she adores and loves her ate very much, and there probably is no reason for anyone to not love her, that's why hundreds of others are too saddened by her death.

All across the globe, someone is mourning her passing; be it a relative, a friend, a beauty queen crazy fan, or just random strangers who might have heard of her. But the people who are saddened the most will be her family, especially Maggie. Please also take a moment of your time to pray for them so that the Lord will give them the strength to live by for the duration of their loss.

Earlier this evening, a friend asked me to extend her condolences to the Gersbach family and I found comfort in her words when she said,

"Look at it this way: All the good ones are being saved."

And it's true. We all know for a fact that wherever Ate Mel might be, she is now happy and with the Lord.

It still tears my heart when I see the outpour of "condolence" and "Rest in Peace" messages coming out of my Facebook newsfeed in both Maggie's and Ate Mel's pages. And seeing stuff like this in the internet doesn't help either:

But ironically, I found the positive light of it all through this.

What better way to be commemorated than at the time of her youth's prime! While most people die old, bitter and gray, Ate Mel left the earth young, beautiful and loved. It wouldn't be surprising to all of us if she sports a tiara and the finest evening gown and the hottest stilletos with her angel's wings as she continues life in God's kingdom.

This would never be goodbye, Bb. Pilipinas International 2009 Melody Gersbach. It's just "See you up there!"

Wear your crown high and proud in heaven, Ate Mel. It is not only a testament of you being a winner while you were still alive, but it further personifies that you are indeed, a queen no matter where you are.

Your death might have been tragic, but we take comfort in knowing you are with God.

Until then, we will imagine you waving that pageant wave and smiling that winning smile of yours as you bid the hardships of this earth farewell while you ascend to the heavens. Spread your beauty, kindness and grace up there, Ate Mel. We already had our share of those while you were still here. It's time for you to make the other guardians fall in love with you.

See you soon, Ate Mel. You live in the hearts of those who loved you.

We will always remember you this way.

*Photo credits: Her Facebook page and RougeStudio Photography 2009

I Graduated with Honors!--In Life Lessons

I wish to momentarily suspend the 30 day letter challenge to give way to this unexpected entry that I feel is more appropriate to write, given the circumstances and the timeliness of the situation.

Earlier this evening, I finally decided to clear out my stuff from when I was in college. (Wow. The way I just wrote the last part in that sentence made it seem like I attended college ten years ago, instead of just four months back. lol) I'm not really sure what motivated me to do it, because I've been a sloth since the day after graduation, but as the saying goes, Things happen for a reason and they certainly do, I learned.

I'm have no idea if perhaps I'm the only person who hasn't done that yet, but I figured I couldn't care any less if my friends had gotten rid of their stuff the moment after school ended forever for us.

So there I was, sitting crossed legged on the floor with my trusty mug of coffee as I listened to the raindrops outside my window while I unloaded the wooden magazine rack where I used to dump all my school stuff when I was still studying. I decided to classify my junk into two piles: one for those I shall keep, and the other one that shall head to the garbage.

As I carefully lifted stuff after stuff after stuff, I made sure that I checked what it was. If it were hand outs that I know will still be beneficial in the future, or notebooks or essays and exams I aced, it was going to go under the "keepsakes" pile. While doing this, I also took time in reading what my papers contained and I found myself smiling so many times as I marveled at the things I was able to substantiate, despite having a clear memory of me being a lazy girl and the kind of student who usually put off things for tomorrow when it came to school work.

The most memorable stuff I encountered tonight were mostly from my senior year in college. I remember doing every single script, essay or paper as if it were yesterday. And every time I saw the excellent grades my professors gave me, I made a proud smile even though no one could see me and I never really plan on showing it to anyone, even to my parents; and I silently told myself that everything had been worth it--the sleepless nights, the bags that used to permanently reside under my eyes and the hard work and effort I exerted in every single assignment just so I'd be given extra credit.

I came across tons of school reminders that brought back so much memories to me, that I shed a few unchecked tears while organizing them. Each time I picked up a paper that contained my thoughts made me remember everything that happened during the time we were required to submit that. I recalled doing scripts and papers at 4am when it was due at 8am that day; I remember feeling bad after being at odds with someone in school while typing a particular paper during the dead of the dawn and recalling how heavy my heart had been as I tried my best to finish the homework without tearing up; I find myself going back to those lonely and suffocating hours while I did everything but lose my sanity so I could finish up our Media Law final paper...

And as I saw those moments in retrospect, I realized what a strong person I was back then, to be able to endure all those, because I just sucked everything like the pro I've always been. I'm surprised that I didn't know how strong I was and I'm figuring that out just now, when I'm past all the feeling of weakness. Don't you just love how the Lord operates? When you're in a situation that just feels utterly helpless, there comes a point when suddenly, a small voice says something to you that pushes you to go on even if you don't want to hold on anymore.

I also saw how much I've grown as a person, evident in the progress of my paper's content. If I utilized average words as a Freshman, well, let's just say that my vocabulary got more and more highfalutin as I advanced a year level.

It was very entertaining, what I did a while ago. And seeing my old school stuff made me feel like a student again. But more importantly, I picked up a lot of lessons and realizations at the most random of moments as I decided to clean up my pile.

And maybe, as per past experience, I subconsciously formulated in my mind that I won't get rid off those things first because I wanted to have at least a small reminder of the past that can make me believe I underwent such difficulties so that I can prove to myself that I am more strong willed and determined than I could imagine. And when I finally come to accept it, I get less attached with the material evidences, enough to let them go and just allow the confidence to shine through.

I miss everything about school. I thought a lot about my "what if's" and I relied on regrets in terms of the things I could've done to give me a more impressive academic standing. But you know what? I wouldn't have done my college experience any differently, because it is where I was able to grow as a person. For real.

You might want to know what happened with my old stuff, right? Well, let's just say I wasn't expecting that garbage bag I prepared to be bigger than I hoped for.:)

Three Minutes in Heaven

For a non-believer of old flames that can be rekindled, I have sure been proven wrong with that brief but memorable act of yours. I always thought that distance makes the heart forget, and so can the presence of other people in your life that might distract you. But chance sure has a funny way of being able to alter the circumstances, no matter how much I thought I was able to move on.

I have taught myself not to care anymore, and I have considered you a thing of the past; that I can laugh about it now and say “What was I thinking?!” with so much heartfelt conviction, I can be more credible than Obama himself. Yet you do that thing you do which I hate the most—you showed me, even in the slightest possible way, that you are still concerned about me, and those “stupid” thoughts I used to entertain are nothing but legitimate after all, even after all these juvenile years.

I know and I am quite aware that it might mean differently to you than it does to me, yet how I interpret your actions is more important translation in my shallow pool of thoughts. I can honestly be able to tick off in my fingers the number of girls you have showed kindness to, and I think you see me as someone at par with them. Nonetheless, a simple act of thoughtfulness from you, for all intents and purpose, is the number one reason why I used to like you. And in my book, any guy who does an act of goodness to me makes him a complete gentleman—someone who deserves a second chance despite the impossibility of an “us”.

Maybe it would take another two to three years before you will show that kind of valiancy to me again, and I would be doing nothing again but wait—maybe even forget it. But for now, all I can hold on to is that simple memory—a memory of a hundred and eighty seconds in blissful heaven.

Conversations

There always has to be a reason why people can't sleep during the dead of the dawn.

Yes, you got it--writing inspiration.

Of course, I am kidding.

I am still up at around, err, 3.50am July 9th because my body clock is soo ruined, it has a hard time differentiating 4am from 4pm. On most days, I feel like a vampire--but not the Cullen/Twilight kind of vampire. More like, a vampire on caffeine and sugar overload. I'm asleep almost the entire morning and I wake up during the middle of the afternoon. Then all I ever do for the rest of the day is ~~suck blood~~ eat a lot, stalk people in the internet, read these lame Hollywood blogsites, drink coffee, and then when there's nothing else I could do, I find myself wanting to sleep AGAIN three hours later.

Life isn't usually this unexciting for me. I used to do all kinds of stuff when I was bored as I was growing up--I'd pick on my siblings for my own pleasure, I watch the most interesting shows, I'd paint, ~~read people's minds~~...

So what happened to that routine, you ask?

Simple.

I have been confronted with the following:

I live far away from my brothers and sister now, so there's no one to pick on, unless you want to consider the children of our annoying neighbors.
As far as I'm concerned, the last (and the most!) interesting show had been cancelled on air for almost three years now--THE O.C.
And well, I lost passion for painting. My art supplies (which included this ridiculously expensive oil paint and brush set my mom gave me) is already collecting dust at our house in Bicol. Sad but true.

But I have come to realize that there are tons of other hobbies I could always do around the city. After all, the action never stops here. But it's not that kind of action I'm talking about, by the way, if you know what I mean and I'm thinking what I think you're thinking.

Does that make sense?

*takes deep breath*

So what is this post for anyway? I'm sure you weren't expecting such an irrelevant rant, considering the title of this entry.

Like I said earlier, I just wanted to put out my thoughts (albeit utterly random) in words because it would be such a waste if I don't.

Recently, I have this desire to have a meaningful conversation with someone. And when I say meaningful, I just don't mean a conversation between two people with sense. The meaningful conversation I'm looking for lately involves a lot of debate--yet very intellectual--and a talk that would leave a distinct bookmark in my full-of-distractions memory; that even if an entire year has passed, I can still recall (in verbatim!) everything we have discussed.

Among my closest friends, I usually crave for the insight and depth of KAREN.

For some of you who might know her, she and I are completely opposites--as loud and as obnoxious as I am, she is more quiet and tame and polite. But we balance each other out on most occasions, which is a good thing, if you ask me.

We've been friends ever since college began, and we still are, up to this point. And in the many instances that we have been together, around 80% of those times had been dedicated to almost three-hour long talks about life, friends, relationships, dreams, the future...

And for each and every time we talk about the randomest, uncanniest or most serious things, they usually end up being delightfully inspiring and soul-filled.

Now I can't transcribe a specific conversation here, of course, because most of them are just for the two of us to know (haha), but there is one instance when she threw this question at me, and it took me like, 20 minutes to figure out what the answer was.

It was in Fully Booked Gateway, and she, myself and Celine were checking out the store's latest titles after watching Alice in Wonderland with our friend Pacific (who went home early.:p). While Celine and I poured over the likes of Gossip Girl, Chuck Palahniuk and all these other mopey or pre-adolescent books, she was over at the Philosophy/Pyschology section and reading some of the more, er, intellectually stimulating stuff. When I asked her what was that for, she said that she wanted to take up Philosophy (or was it Psychology? I don't remember) blah blah blah. She was even kind enough to read a short paragraph for us that she found interesting. However, Celine and I prove to be such bad friends sometimes. HAHA. While Karen was reading it, at the back of my mind (sorry if you get to read this. HAHA.), I was like, "Yawn." But for a good reason.;)

Then on our way to have some coffee, she suddenly asked,

"Would you rather help out a person you like, or a person you respect?"

For a while, I seriously did not know what to answer. For the first few minutes, I was like, "I dunno, I dunno", because I really had no idea what to answer. But she kept on badgering me to think about it, so while we were walking, I found myself willing my mind to work.

Then an idea came to me. Before I told her what my guess was, I said that it just crossed my mind in passing because I really thought it won't sound that smart anyway. So I said,

"Uhm, I would rather help out the person I like? Because I may respect a person but not necessarily like her?

And to my utter surprise, she said, that it was the answer. And then the out pour of meaningfulness and discourse just free-flowed from there.

You see, the reason why I'm in need of a good conversationalist as of late, is because I have so much on my mind that needs a second opinion. I need to talk to a person who isn't afraid of telling me outright his/her fearless views on my thoughts, and a person who would negate, but not totally contradict me. And I tell you, I am not an easy person to talk to when it comes to stuff that needs more pressing insights.

As for the purpose behind that search for a confidante?--is another story altogether.:)

With that, I feel the sandman. Good night/good morning/good afternoon or whatever time of the day you get to read this!

In a year I could...

...recall all of the names of the people who called me Frances.

...name of all the books I read and re-read.

...count all the movies I watched and with who.

...remember what exactly happened at a particular month and the impact (be it little or small) that it had on me.

Call me sentimental, but I have a very good memory.

Okay, if you're my friend, you'll say I'm lying. After all, this is the same girl who cannot memorize the four basic roles of media. But when I say I have a good memory, it means that I can remember the most significant stuff that went on in the drama that is my life.

So what exactly is the purpose of this post?

Not much, except that I remembered it's almost the end of May, and the end of summer, if you must, and June is supposed to be the beginning of school. Well, at least for most of you who are still studying, that is.

Gah.

Reading that last sentence makes me feel so so jealous of my friends who are still relying on their parents for everything. Not that I've emancipated myself from my parents or anything. What I meant was, I envy those who are still being taken under the wing of their parents in terms of their education, who are lucky enough to still experience the torture that is school.

It makes me regret that I felt like I wasted a couple of years in college. You see, I never thought (or dreamt possible!) that college would be something so important to me. I just felt like I had unlimited time in my hands to waste away and I had so many chances to still be enjoying life in those last few years, but then again, my old friend Time Fast Forwarder picked up the phase quite rapidly.

Anyway, even though I felt like I was stupid enough not to be that model student everyone thought I was, I do have tons of memories to live with.

For instance, I can tick off the names of the people I met in college who called me 'Frances'. You see, I'd rather go by 'Chai', and it's not hard to miss when some call you by your real name.

I can tell you the books I've read and re-read because in one corner of the room right now, I have piles of novels which I meticulously arrange according to height, unless it's a series, then I put them together, and on the area where it is actually disorganized, I place the books I have bookmarked halfway because I never got to finish them yet. But it's not like I don't know how the story goes anyway. HAHA.

I can also count all the movies I have watched and with who, because all the movie tickets I have ever purchased are stored in my wallet as a remembrance. AND! Most of the time, I watch movies alone as part of my most cherished 'me time'.:)

And lastly, I can tell you what happened at a particular month the previous year because each one left a distinct memory in me that will surely last for lifetimes to come.:)

You Can Go Home Again

So here's the deal. I haven't actually held on to my promise to be regular in terms of updating this blog. Hey, you can't blame me. School hasn't exactly been merciful on us when I had this new blog site put up, so I can't really do a new post everyday. And since it's the lamest summer ever (what with me being unemployed and constantly worrying about the future), I just didn't have the energy to write anything since it's been the same boring routine every f*ckin' day since I got home here in Bicol.

However, this afternoon seemed like a surprise for me.

I had a sudden change in my unlikely hobbies this summer. Although to be fair, it's not like I haven't been productive these past few weeks. I have; I've been the one cooking meals for the family since our yaya seemed to have a permanent vacation, thanks a lot to her. But other than that, I've been doing nothing except watch TV and surf the same sites for the most part.

So this post is meant to tell you what I've done today, which served as a change in my lame summer itinerary.

I woke up at around 7.30 this morning. If you had any idea as to what time I usually woke up these days, you'd be saying I've been good in waking up that early. So anyway, I spent the morning watching the updates on TV about the elections, blah blah. Then, before my dad left for work, he was like, "Please do what I asked you to do and clean your space upstairs. I'm expecting results when I get home in the evening."

I was like, sure sure. Never mind the fact that I've been promising him I'd do it for the past two weeks or so, but I hadn't got the chance because I got a lot to worry about. At least, that had been my excuse to him. He never bought it, I guess.

Anyway, I made good on my promise and I actually spent a quarter of the afternoon cleaning my space. You see, my family and I have been sleeping in the same room for as long as I can remember eversince we trasferred here in Bicol. Oh, it's spacious enough alright. However, as we kids were getting older, the space seemed to have decreased, but still, it can accommodate us for the most part. And we have our designated spaces in the room, and the general rule is, if it's your space, it's up to you to keep it in shape. After all, we suffer the consequence of sleeping in a topsy-turvey bed if we don't fix it. You get the point, I assume. And even though I'm a girl, I can get pretty disorganized sometimes because I don't hang out much in the room during the day because mom doesn't want us to die from heatstroke plus our electric bill rose from the previous month alone, so we're kind of conserving electricity around here these days.

So, instead of opening the airconditioning unit to keep myself from dying from heatstroke and give my mom a reason to get mad at me for consuming too much electricity, I just opened the window nearest to me to let the fresh air in. And, opening my laptop, I played some music connected to our bad a** speakers so I could get on tidying mode pronto.

Oh, the mess in my space is not as bad as you think. There's just too many clutter on every available surface so you can't see where something is without going through the trouble of digging in and throwing more stuff around ergo creating more mess.

When I stared out my window, I noticed how unusually pretty the sky is. Wanting to capture it, I searched for my camera but on a failed attempt. Re-read the paragraph before this and I think you'll know why I didn't bother looking hard enough. The next smartest thing to do is to pull out my cell and use it's camera. Thank God for camera phones, yes?

The view from my window. Jalousie's blocking the rest of the image but

you can pretty much see the sky.

And then I began de-cluttering my very cluttered bed space while listening to some loud music.I kinda noticed that our neighbor's cousin's auntie's son (I couldn't tell, there are a lot of people living inside) , who's house is just infront of ours, kept looking up at me and I could tell he could see right inside our room. I had no idea if he was pissed off that my music was too loud or if he was expecting me to flash him or something, I didn't have a clue. But I didn't care and paid him no more attention after that.

So I began gathering stuff, and much to my dismay, some of the junk in my space didn't even belong to me! Most of them were my mom's clothes and some of them still had the tags on, and I was like, "WTF?!" and I just threw it in her usually neat closet which is beside my bed. Haha. Sweet revenge. But out of guilt, I pulled them out again and folded them anway. HAHA.

Then, when I actually started to keep MY stuff, I bumped into old things like my elementary projects, high school quizzes and notes and some letters from friends. Seeing all these again made me go, "Aww." I took one test paper and checked the date--September of 2003! Wow. That's like, 7 years ago! I cannot even remember who I was 7 years ago and then I find these? And as always, the images of a thousand memories kept flashing back to me.

You see, there's a reason why I wish to keep my old school stuff (nevermind that they're like, over a hundred years old and showing signs of misuse) despite my mother's fervent wish to get rid of them. All these have so much sentimental value to me and I feel like if I let go of them, I'm also letting go of the memories I hold so dear. So I refused to have them get thrown for the longest time.

I remember year 2006, the summer before I head off to college, I distinctly recall crying silent tears because I worried that I might be missing out on too much while I was away. And I kept on hearing anecdotes like "You can never go home again" and such, so it added to my loneliness that when I come home, it won't be the familiar harmonious space I've grown so used to for like, almost 10 years. That's why before I left for some schooling in Manila, I gave strict orders that no one touch anything from my things otherwise, they will pay some consequences in the form of brat attacks and fits. I did this because I thought back then, maybe, just maybe, if I kept most of my childhood stuff and mementos, things won't change and I won't have to be sad about not being familiar with anything.

But as the years in college went by and I got more and more comfortable with my new life, I started to forget about most things in the past. And even though home seemed like a million miles away, I started to let go of the things I used to know and I opened up to new adventures. Which is always a good thing, I suppose, as long as we know how to look back.

Yet every time I seemed to have forgotten who I was before, somewhere inside me, a nagging feeling always made me want to go back and forces me to remember.

Now that I have closed another chapter in my book, I'm missing out on a lot of things. But it doesn't mean that I'm not looking forward for the next one. If anything, I'm more than excited. No one cares more than I do.

So now I bet you're wondering what happened to my late afternoon cleaning sesh? Well, let's just say that I have more bed space than I probably could remember having more than 8 years ago. You got that right. I threw away most of my childhood stuff already. It's symbolic for me, really. Letting go of these things doesn't really mean that I want to forget all those memories. No matter what happens, I'll still be holding on to them, material evidences notwithstanding. And as for my more room space? Well, I can always fill them again with some new clutter now that I am willing enough to give up things of the past and gear up for a new adventure!

And oh, it still makes me wonder if I can never go home again because up to this point, I keep thinking if the place has changed or have I? Well, no matter what the reason may be, I do believe that I can always go back home.:)

*For the fun of it, I took some random phone photos of the stuff I have which are blog-worthy.* ENJOY.:)

My ever so loyal companion and my bad a** speakers.

My recent calendar of activities has been relatively vacant for the past two months. Sad.

Say hello to Errol who's looking bored.:))

My latest addiction.:) Love her.

Election fever hang over. Can I just say that I am so glad

that I made a right choice in choosing to vote this year?

Life, Here We Come!

It must be some kind of a record in my entire blogging life for me to be writing a total of 3 entries (with sense!) within 24 hours. Well, blame it on the graduation. People seem to be more emotional when they know something so good comes to an end soon.

----

Almost four years ago...

I started out college with a confidence that would have made any beauty queen look pale in comparison to what I was espousing. After all, I was Ms. Friendly in high school. I knew college was something I will breeze through. I knew I could do it.

But like most mean girls who got shipped off to another school, without any friends tagging along with me, I was a plain new girl--naive, friendless, unusual.

Even though room113 had been full of new, interesting people, I felt like I couldn't find at least one soul I could relate to. The first few months had been such a struggle for me. Everything was unfamiliar. Like, they were speaking English and I thought I understood them but I didn't. It was like wearing an old dress but it was a size too small already. Like drinking vodka but it tasted like beer.

Okay. Enough analogies.

Bottom line: It was hard. For the most part.

But as the months progressed, we slowly opened up and adjusted to each other. Soon enough, we were comfortable around each other. We started to laugh out loud, talk about stuff...you know, loosen up. Slowly, the walls had been torn down. We were truly like family.

Best of all, I found awesome souls in 5 people.

For most of my college life, Sheena, Mafe, Jam, Karen and Celine have been the people I always turned to for help. While our relationship hadn't been the healthiest nor the most ideal of friendships, at least we have stuck with each other and remain friends at the end of the day.

I started out my first two years with a family. My Ca1 family.

But a twist of fate suddenly came and separated us. We were reshuffled as we entered junior year. It had been a tragedy indeed.

We may have been separated but Room113 will always be our home.

When we got to third year, it was like starting all over again. The room was filled with new faces. Faces that I thought I had nothing in common with. I was still longing for the familiar noise and smiles of my old block mates. It sucked. Maybe for a little while.

Iba na talaga yung feeling. CA1 pa rin naman ako pero parang nagbago ang feeling pag sinabing CA1 ako.

But like most victims of a perfect tragedy, I had to suck it up like a pro. It was hardly the end of the world. I had to keep on living.

I gave it time for me to adjust to my new classmates.

If I am going to be honest, it took me a while to actually get comfortable. It was still awkward, the way we dealt with each other. But at least we were picking off from a nice start.

Soon enough, we have conquered the awkwardness. We were one in defeat, one in victory. We became nagCAisa.:)

I could go on for hours, writing all the wonderful memories I've had with my 4CA1 family. But I don't really need to do that. Because I know for a fact that these things need not be mentioned anymore...they simply need to be retained in our minds, and we'll just find ourselves randomly smiling at the memories. Some day, when we see each other again, I bet that when we start a conversation, we can still be able to relate with each other and laugh like old times.

I would also like to thank our irregular students. You know who you are! I don't need to say much since we had the chance to pour out our hearts to each other. I love you guys. We love you guys. Thank you for being there with us during the memorable times we had this senior year.

It may take me a couple of weeks before I actually start worrying about employment, but right now, I would like to cherish the remaining days I have with friends--who became the sole reason I enjoyed school.

I swear, if it weren't for friends, school would suck. BIG TIME.

Maybe I'll forget some tidbits of my life as a college student, but one thing's for sure: mas marami akong maaalala kasi naging parte kayo ng buhay ko. Salamat!

I would like to conclude this entry by saluting all the graduates of Batch 2010! I have tons of other friends (most of them from my childhood as well) who are graduating too. Guys, here's to us. CHEERS!

The world awaits us.

Armed with Thomasian Values, (and not to mention the spunk and bad a** attitude that comes with being a Communication Arts student/graduate), we are ready to face the real world.

nagCAisa hanggang sa huli :)