Spread Your Wings and Fly Away: Abandoned

Abandoned

That's how my poor blog has been treated like for the past two months.

Let it be known that:

A.) I haven't been the busiest person in the world. In fact, BUM is an understatement to describe my current status these days.

B.) If job hunting was a subject in school, I'd definitely get an F for sure. And

C.) My parents already sent me to a two-month exile back here in Manila just to make sure that I do things right by starting to really, diligently and seriously apply. Which means no more of that online application which hasn't done a lot of promise for my future career.

So where does that leave me, you wonder?

Well, everything is pretty much the same (back to bumming habits, but in the city, no less!) but unlike the past three months circa graduation, I am feeling the pressure more and more these days. It probably has something to do with the fact that school has already opened and a lot of my friends who are still in school barely have another 9 months prior to graduation and job hunting and I have this mini fear inside me that they might find a job sooner than I could've ever achieved while I was in my bumming bliss.

I re-read that last sentence and it doesn't make sense. Even to me. HAHA. But whatever. The pressure is more out of the fact that while most of my friends have already like, earned their second or third (or fourth, I dunno!) paycheck, here I am, oversleeping, overeating and over relaxing like it's the most exciting thing in the world!

Although I feel a major relief in silently knowing that I still have friends who aren't employed yet, I really don't want to stay complacent for that long.

I thought I had my whole life mapped out before, complete with timelines and checklists and even this map of the world where I used to tick off places I wanted to visit; but that was the responsible Chai. I wonder what happened to that girl? That girl who never settled for less; the girl who was always prepared in every single aspect, it annoyed her friends too much? That Chai who, if it came down to it, would readily annihilate anyone who went in the way of achieving of her dreams?

I'll tell you what happened to her. In a nutshell, that responsible girl is now a complete slack off--caffeinated, if you wish; she's now a free rider. She just waits for things to be settled for her; for things to be arranged according to her wishes but she doesn't do anything to make it happen.

In perspective that sounds really bad. I guess I just got to a point where I started getting tired from being soo responsible all the time so I took the road more taken--the SLOTH road. Years later (and a ton of pounds to boot, nonetheless), I find myself unable to come back.

Sloth life is always this exciting but when it consumes you, it gets kinda bitchy as well. It won't vomit you back because it's too lazy to even do that.

(That's why I choose not to update my blog sometimes; it always has to get me emotional when I start writing something. Blech.)

You see, when I was a child, I guess I never really had a childhood because my parents always treated me like an adult. Oh don't worry, this is not a sob story. I'm just giving you a little backgrounder. It's like, for everything I do, I had to answer to whatever consequence that decision makes for me. When you look at it, that kind of parenting technique can work, because after all, a kid needs to toughen up sometimes, right? However, the downfall lies in a child's ability to really enjoy being young and carefree. As a result, the kid who acts like an adult would end up Benjamin Button-ish. Not in the literal sense of the word, okay? More like, a kid grows up to be an adult but he/she reaches an age where he/she just has to look for comfort and demand to be treated like a child again.

I guess that's kind of what happened to me. I'm not really sure.

But for whatever intents or purpose I have for acting the way I am these days, I know, that as cliche as it may sound, things still happen for a reason. I may not know what I want to happen right now, but I know for sure that when I want to get going, I'll be as determined as ever to reach my goal. After all, I'm only 21 years old. Okay, that may seem old for most of you, but whatever. It's not the quantity of life that I'm after.

Now I realize, the random blog title applies to me in every single way more than I could possibly hope for.

Abandoned, for the fact that everyone's been so productive unlike me.

Abandoned, because there are things I haven't been putting off for a while.

And abandoned, because at the end of this all, I know that I'll be able to say, "I got there and some of them didn't!"

How does a blog entry meaning to end after at least ten sentences become totally sensible? You gotta love me, that's for sure. Only I could do that.:)

Have a good rest of the week, lovelles!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...: Sloth life is always this exciting but when it consumes you, it gets kinda bitchy as well. It won't vomit you back because it's too lazy to even do that.

I LOVE THAT STATEMENT! it's... i forgot what it was called in literary speak. basta. hahaha. NICE!; June 29, 2010 at 8:52 AM
Frances Ogilvie said...: Hahaha. Thanks thanks.:D It's what being bored does to you these days.; June 29, 2010 at 10:08 PM

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