About Me

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From the small town I call home, Philippines
Hello, I'm Chai and you've never probably heard of me until now. I may be familiar to you because I've met you once when our souls crossed paths. In my past life, I was probably a princess living in Old England, or a World War II chronicler assigned to document the devastation in what is now called Turkey. I may have been a street urchin or a painter or an old Hollywood actress once. But the life I've chosen to hold on to is the life I'm living in right now and I'm glad I can share it with you.:)

Dear Mom and Dad,

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I have never always been expressive of what I really feel. And there had been a number of instances when I didn't want any of you to know what's on my mind. You guys know for a fact that I have been the most evasive person there is when it comes to issues that you want to talk to me about. And I have never been the most honest child in terms of saying what I really want to say. Well, mom and dad, I guess you never knew the reason why until now--it's because I never wanted you guys to worry about me so I always said, "I'm okay" or "I got this", or "I can figure this out on my own"; and well, I used to keep quiet before 'coz I never wanted to give you more reasons to be disappointed in me than you already were. And maybe, there were times I answered back, much to your disliking, but I just want you guys to know that I only yelled at you both at the time when I felt like the situation called for it, because I used to think that I wasn't a child who should be treated so callously and improperly. But for the most part, I used to not open my mouth when you were scolding me 'coz I didn't want to hurt any of you with the things I was saying in my head; surely I knew that I would only regret that later when I see the looks on your faces indicating how much my choice of words cut through your hearts.

But enough about that. It's not really the purpose for why I'm writing this. I'm doing this in honor of the both you--an epistle of thanks, as well as an apology, so that you guys would finally know what I really feel because saying this glob of cheesiness out loud isn't really my forte.

For any child, (and I'm sure you've been through this phase too) it is very hard to think of ways on how to repay two people who mean the world and more to them. In my case, I always wonder about how I can ever give back to you all those years of selflessness and patience and material things you have offered me? Giving you both the moon and stars would never be enough, since it's impossible and I might just disappoint you for not making it happen. HA HA. But seriously, I don't think I can do anything that can transcend the goodness and unconditional selfless love you have given me and my siblings.

I know that there had been many times in the past when I looked like I knew everything there is to know about life--I was, or maybe I still am a stubborn child. But you guys were fine with it. You allowed me to make my own decisions and create the dumbest mistakes. Yet, there hadn't been a moment in those downtimes when I felt like I lacked guidance from you. And you never made me feel bad about seeing you getting tired of dealing with the repercussions that my wrong moves created. In some discreet way, you were still looking out for me, and I knew that. You'd be both surprised to know, that even at 21, I am still very much like that baby girl you once held fragilely and nourished--unsure of the world, scared of the most trivial things, and afraid to give you heart breaks. You have both embodied that most admiring trait any parent should have: the ability to love your child despite their shortcomings and incompetence.

I acknowledge the fact that in terms of perfection as a person and as a daughter, I am below average, almost crossing failure, at most. But what makes me hold on and strive for it, is the trust and extreme belief you have in me. You guys have always pushed me to do my very best, but at the same time, didn't really pressure me into anything that my capacities cannot be able to accomplish. And I am more than grateful for the confidence you guys have in me, because it is more than I could ever deserve in this lifetime. Compared to other people my age, they haven't been blessed with two people like you who are--patient and not petrifying; educators, and not critics; morale up lifters and not downers; and most importantly, inspirations instead of being bad influence.

While most moms and dads have the misfortune of losing touch and connection with their kids as they grow older, I want to assure both of you that I will never ever build a wall between us that shall put a stop and create a gap to the beautiful and one of a kind bonding we've grown so used to. As a little girl, both of you had always been my whole world, and even as I turn to be a woman of 30 or 40 or 50 someday, that will never change. You guys have always, and will always, mean EVERYTHING to me, to kuya, Patrick, Jj, Cj and Yobbel.:)

I love you both very very much. I always say this to both of you out loud, coupled with tight hugs and sweet kisses. And I'm pretty sure you know it's sincere. But right now, I want to tell the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, and to whose ever's eyes might read this, that I LOVE MY MOM AND DAD SOOO MUCH and there are no other two people like them, that if I were to be reborn over and over in this lifetime, I'd always and will always choose no other more suitable parents to raise me BUT them. They know how to handle someone like me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

You are the best mom and dad anyone could ever hope for. Kids say this to their parents each and every time, and might be too much of a cliche already. But you know what makes this declaration special? IT CAME FROM ME. And please believe that.



Your daughter,

Chai

10:30 AM | Labels: , |

 

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